First things first.
Snakes on a Plane.
So broke every low expectation for such a highly anticipated movie. The film, minus it's huge plotholes, implausibility scale, bullshit meter in the red and long winded opening exposition turned out to be better than I could possibly imagine. Ok. So why was it any good?
Well first things first, if you didn't see it sneak preview at midnight (or at 10 for any babies out there), then you aren't going to enjoy it. And here is why. Just like Pro-Wreslting depends on the audience for you to forget its "staged" and terribly overacted, Snakes DEPENDS 100% on the audience. And this was the best audience this side of EC-Dub. Before the movie, we were all lined up chanting snakes, high fiving everyone who was coming along the line, playing Catch Phrase, flying like planes and chasing each other like we were snakes on those planes and enjoying the fact we had to stand for 40 minutes. Then we had to sit in a extremely warm theater with tons of people. However, one brave soul named "Shaun" ran to the front pointed to one side to chant "snakes" and the other side to chant "plane" and the middle people yelled "on a". When the movie started, we all yelled at some douchetown fuck face who probably loves John Wayne (because if you've seen Running Scared, you know that John Wayne was a faggot) and screamed things at the sreen. When the snakes were released, I hit the proudest moment of my life. When the first person snake view came on, I freaked out and screamed "SNAKE VISION!" Of course, everytime they repeated this POV, everyone started to chant it. I loved it.
So here are the spoilers (but they really are to be expected.)
Snakes on a Titty. Snakes on a Dong. Snakes TF'ing an old lady and then biting her eye out. Snakes eating dogs. Snakes eating cats. Snakes biting throats. Anaconda's swallowing entire bodies. Snakes on CRACK!(yes that is in fact a line.) It's Purely Ridiculous.
Seriously. See it this weekend or don't bother. I swear to God it's worth it to see it with a full crowd of teenagers. It's the only way to fly.
P.S.-Blogger, suck my balls. Just let me upload this effing poster! Check the flavor text.