Ten Proper Nouns

10 Proper Nouns that impacted my life in 2006:

10)Mononucleosis- Should be number one, but this goddamn virus almost ruined my life, but gave me a presepective on death, illness, sicknesss unto death, getting down with the sickness and having a liscense to ill. For that reason it makes the list, but I ain't giving it #1. However much it sucked that I was laid up for a month and then some, it gave me a time of solitude that definitely was enriching in a somewhat depressing way. And a quick not to whoever gave me this: FUCK YOU AND I HOPE YOU DIE IN DARFUR! I think things would have been much different if I didn't get mono, but for some strange reason, I'm sort of thankful for that shitty experience.

9) Fighting Cock, Rolling Rock and Citra- Nothing like cheap liquor, beer and wine. The flavor revolution has begun. And I can save money! Fighting Cock was 103 proof and like 15 bucks for a bottle, Rolling Rock is tasty and usually costs 2 bucks at the bar or $5.99 for a twelve pack of longnecks and Citra is a tasty 2005 red wine that is $3.79 cents at Total Wine. I have a job, but cheap drunk nights are always welcomed especially when it comes to things that are good and cheap. Many a night in Kevner's basement, out to dinner with the rents or down teh shore have been enhanced by these tasty brews. The only problems here is the fact that 1)Fighting Cock can't be found anywhere in Jersey anymore.. that was a one time deal. 2) Rolling Rock is moving from Latrobe and 3)Citra was bastardized by someone who recommended it and turned out to be a phony.

Fuck that! They are cheap and tasty! They rule!

8) The Met- So this was the best (and possibly one of three) date(s) that I went on during the year of 2006 and I love museums. But this one, out of all of the museums I have been to in the USA is the best. When you get to get close-up to a Dali painting, or a Piccaso and study the brush strokes, you just get some strange invigorating feeling. The Asian art section was super cool. It was set-up like you were in a Tea House or something in China. My personal favorite was the special exhibit they had on Robert Rauschenberg. His stuff was mixed media which included stuffed birds, cars, tires, paint and anything else really. Some of it was haunting, some of it was really just neato. For a long time, I really didn't dig all that kind of modern art, but this hit me. And I thank the Met for the great presentation that it was.

7) Snakes on a Plane- What would 2006 have been like if it weren't for Samuel L. doing his finest role this side of Deep Blue Sea? I don't really know. Regardless, Snakes on a Plane was not only the biggest summer event (more fun than my birthday) but it became a cult film before it was even released. I hadn't seen a single screen shot or clip for this movie and already planned on going to opening night bombed out of my skull. It was also the catalyst for copius amounts of awesome fake trailers, clips, posters and "spin-off" films like Sharks on a Rollercoaster or Snakes on Billy Zane. It was surreal. And then when it came out and I was drinking rum in the theater and chanting "SNAKE VISION!" and enjoying the balls out of it, it was even more rewarding then I could have ever imagined. Kudos, Sam Jax. I can't wait till Jan. 2 when the DVD comes out. I'm gonna buy it and let the drinking games commence!

6) BroG!- SO without this man's retardedly awesome American Media class, I would not have been able to accomplish the following things: making a final project based on the Y2K tape, filming a scavenger hunt short film that won me 2nd place in the Charlie's and a cool $75 bucks (soon to be on youtube... it's coming), run around the classroom singing CSNY's "Ohio" whilst reinacting the brutal shootings at Kent State with paperballs and army fatigues, galavanting around New York and leaving a student behind (fuck you, Bush), seeing him flip out over a Little Nicky clip in a shitty presentation care of Megaclef and many other joyous moments. I was glad to have him for class because, well, it was quite the spectical. My class was stacked with awesome people that I wouldn't have met and enjoyed times with without said class. Also, going to the bars with Brog was quite the great times.

5) Electric Six- So I pretty much have seen this band four times, but only three times (so far... one more time before the end of the year, biatches) in 2006. As far as entertainers go, E6 has proven to be one of the best. Besides their albums which are great, they have a live show that is one of the greatest times I have ever had. They constantly play (as seeing them 4 times in one year warrants) and they are always cheap tickets. 14 bucks to get into an awesome disco punk dance party sounds pretty excellent to me. The newest album Switzerland wasn't brilliant, but it still rocks and is so much fun. It made my albums list because, well, the songs are fun and they sound amazing live. They opened with "There's Something Very Wrong With Us So Let's Go Out Tonight" into "Dance Epidemic" in DC and it was amazing. Dick Valentine knows how to work a crowd and the rest of the band brings their brand of music with a kick.

4) Maximum Carnage!!- Although originated in 2005, Carnage was the slogan on 2006. It led me through terrible courses in college like my Mass Comm Seminar. It was the embodiment of my Senior Year. It led to the official film of Max Carnage (A History of Violence), the official band of Max Carnage (Gwar), the Official Soda of Max Carnage (Surge), the official youtube video (originally the Nintendo 64 video, but dethroned by this masterpiece) and to other things be claimed worthy of the highest level of carnage. Our Mass Comm Seminar group was about violence, so naturally we named ourselves Team Maximum Carnage. In our final boring survey project, I donned a wolf mask and hosted a show entitled Maximum Carnage Theater. It was a silly absurd phrase, but everyone enjoyed screaming it. So next time you feel so inclined, smash someones face in Viggo style after downing a 2-Liter of Surge.

3) Richard Russo's Straight Man- This was one of the only things that kept me going while #10 ravaged my body earlier this year. Reading in general has helped me a lot this year. I read some amazing books, but none so flat out hilarious as this one. Straight Man is about a professor going through a mid-life crisis. He has fantasies about a student, is worried about losing his job (even though he's tenured) and threatens to kill a duck a day unless he is given the budget he wants for the English department... all while wearing the fake nose and glasses gag. He gets on the local news, gets his co-workers pissed and hilarity ensues. Even the opening epilogue which has a pet dog dying is hilarious. It's definitely the book of the year for me even though its not from this year. I need someone to make this a movie. Like, now.

2) Chez Geek & Apples to Apples- Thanks to Danno and Ryan (respectively to those games), the slacker revolution has been re-ignited with such epic party games. First, Chez Geek is just what it sounds like. It's a card game. You get a job, you buy weed, booze, food, cigs and other stuff, you sleep, watch TV and go bar hopping and you can get live in significant others, and other friendly guests to your apartment OR you can invite shitty people over to runi you roomates day. The entire idea of the game is based on slacking off more than someone else (one job card is a Slacker!) What more could you want! It's pretty nerdaliscious, but hey... I yam what I yam and it's fun to play a game that reflects my reality. We play it at bars, in attics and basements and get drunk whilst doing it. No harm in a little fun. Another game that made this year hilarious was Apples to Apples. This game permutated into a monster of a game. Originally, the only point is to pick words that match up well with adjectives, which is fun when someone submits the word AIDS for the adjective funny. Then we tweaked it and made custom rounds where we made up Beck lyrics, did this is the new this and Snakes on a Plane sequels that would blow your mind. It was a social revolution. And a very good one at that.

1) Hink on the Guero- A few years ago, it was the Viper, this year, it's the Hink face. In all it's glory and all it's absurdity, the Hink face has been the embodiment of this year. I mean, whats better than sneaking behind someone and giving them the hink? It's so great. The Trout wishes it was the hink, and comes close to being as awesome, but The Hink Face has spread to random groups and random people. Warren Minnix LOVES the Hink. Sarah Deal LOVES the hink. I can't wait to teach my 4 year old cousins this face on the day after christmas. It's going ot be mind numbing. So, why is the Hink #1? It's probably the one universal thing that can make someone laugh and all my friends from several social circles have embraced it. It led to great Paint jobs like the one to the right. it's led to people flying into barstools or other furniture, it's led to many a story of Buks and Manatees. It's the solidifying gesture of 2006.

Here's hopin' 2007 can top this! Although all these things rule, it was a pretty harsh year. Onward and Upward!