I know you might never really understand: 2005 in Review

One week left in this godforsaken year. And yes, it has been pretty craptastic. There were some amazing times, I'll admit, but all in all... it sucked. I remember this time last year, I was looking forward to 2005 because 2004 ruled. 04 saw the end of a destructive relationship, the start of my first real adult relationship, the creating of strong friendships at La Salle, and a life-altering trip to Greece. That trip is basically the best and highest point of my life. A lot of soul seeking, reading (discoverd Slaughterhouse 5 on that trip) and relaxing (lots of Nick Drake and Neil Young.... oh yea... all my other cd's were snatched). Anyway, I need to stop letting 2004 bogart on my hate fest of 2005.

I deem 2005 the year of personal let-downs.

The afformentioned friendships had a giant fork thrown into their gears due to friends graduating and getting jobs. And, I'll be honest, I miss my brothers from time to time while wandering campus. Im glad for these chumps who are working stiffs and I love seeing them from time to time, but something has changed that will definitely change again when I leave that damn place at 20th and Olney.

The relationship I talked about ended abruptly. And I missed it dearly for about 5 months. Summer was lonely, hot, unfruitful and filled with me trying to fill a bottomless pit with dirt to cover up my depression. Don't get me wrong. Things like the Disc league were great diversions, but nothing works when you are heartbroken.

Things looked up in August. I had a birthday, I met new people (emo house rules) and made new chances to meet new people. And even though I did meet new people, I still couldn't get things off of my mind and in my own insecurities ruined both chances before they even started/ was looking for more than I should have been and scared them away.

Moving out of the apartment=Worst Idea Ever. Being home is sucking my will to live out of my eyeballs. I miss the Szczepanski brothers more than they possibly could ever fathom. I think if I stayed and had a huge loan tacked onto my life yet again, I'd be happier. Much happier.

Regardless, thats not too important in the grand scheme of things. This year is almost gone and 2006 is almost upon me. And if it gets worse than this, I may have to move out of the country to find myself. Greece is a possibility. I'll live on Nisyros for a year and get away from life. Live the simple life and enjoy the beauty of the world around me.

I'd like to thank the following people/films/things that made 2005 worth keeping my lungs filled with Oxygen:
George and Jack, Rob Ealer, Danno Somavilla, Dr. Ryan P. Carey D.D.S., Justin Leo, Nick Norlen, Stev Elev, Mike Muller, Kevner, Anthony Chwastyk, Simon Burger, Bill Drust, Amanda DiRienzo, Daniel Touey, Bill Wine, The Collegian Staff, Uber Street crew and constituents (Esp. Drew, Lou, Lazor and Taylor... so I guess thats everyone who actually resides there...) Warren Zevon's "Hasten Down the Wind", Jeff Buckley's "Lilac Wine", The Lemonhead's "The Great Big No", King Crimson's "21st Century Schizoid Man", Malkmus' Face the Truth, The Raveonettes' Pretty in Black, Sam Adams Winter Lager, Basel Haydens, 'Cane, Trips to Bethlehem (few and far between, yet great times each time), Leo Retreat Weekend's, Pink Floyd reuniting, last.fm, the Emo House (parties and people), high fives, good meals, Arrested Development, The Giles ranch and company, and most importantly, my family.

It was a downer year, but im not going to let that get me down. Let's make 2006 a rolicking success. I have a lot to look forward to between internship, filming of my first short entitled Lack of Expectation, graduation, road trip, Jupiter and the Great Beyond.