The Sickness Unto Death

So here it is. Day Two of the sickness. And it sucks. Fever (highest being 101.9), cough (howling like J Masics on the song "Don't"), nausea (with puking in the commuter lounge last night), cold sweats (my lord... probably the worst part), back pain (so it's sounding like the flu), and stomach pain (the doctor says if this continues, that its not good.)

So if that wasn't bad enough, I had to skip my classes, not finish Jitterbug Perfume for the God that is Seydow and sit in bed all day long. SUCK!

Anyways, the one good thing was I got to watch to classic films during the day and after I try to hold some food down, I will continue to viddy films. The first was Heaven Help Us with the incomperable Andrew McCarthy and Mary Stuart Masterson. Such a hilarious comedy with a lot of heart. It also proves that John Heard (the dad from Home Alone) is actually a really good actor. He's also in After Hours so that's proof enough. Then I watched Swimming With Sharks and forgot how brilliant it was. So dark and hilarious and scary at points. Frank Whaley (the guy Sam Jax interrogates in Pulp Fiction) and Kevin Spacey (that guy who won two Oscars) have such an intense chemistry that its hard to not love it. Definitely worth checking out.

Not sure what I will watch next. All I know is I regret trying to sleep tonight. Between the coughing and the sweats, I wont get much sleep.

Just drop me a line or a hello so I feel better.

Y2K Is the single greatest moment in American History

So tonight, after talking with Kevner and Dom about the fabled Y2K video hosted by Leonard Nimoy, I decided it is the moment in our history that makes the USA so great. I wont say anything else, but let reviewers on Amazon.com speak for me. Here are reviews for the Y2K Guide:

"I bought this video at a Gun and Knife show (not here at Amazon) and was told that it was supposed to air on the Discovery Channel but was banned because it's so truthful. True, the video builds up all sorts of potential Y2K disasters which could scare you, however, it does give many reasons why and how this whole crisis could've been at least tackled in the last decade - NOT by waiting until 1999 to Band-Aid the whole computer industry. I was more mad than scared. The Information Technology 'powers that be' have no good excuse for their failure to fix this problem, and this video tells it like it is! The video does make the government seem like liars and that they are white-washing their Y2K readiness disclosures. Only time will tell...and keep your weapons handy. "
~Douchey McFucknut- Gary, Indiana

This is a superb video! As a computer professional, I found the statement of the problem to be clear and accurate. As a mom, I was very impressed with the practical preparations discussed and recommended. Get a copy for all your "Good" friends! "
~Mrs. Ima Fuckinidiot~ Flint, Michigan

"Being a great pessimist, I must say that I feel much better after watching this film. There are things I can easily do to prepare myself and my family for the year 2000. Wish there would have been more detailed information and less visual effects, but overall the film "worked". "
~Mr. Whatever the TV Says Must Be True- Elkton, Maryland

For some reason, these people watched this video and believed it. Watch it sometime with me and see why its amazingly bad and rediculous that anyone could be duped by this event.

P.S.- I ordered the book version of the nimoy vid and a Y2K Cookbook (yes it existed and has a section about mudslides and avalanches in it) to do research for poss Bro. G project.

Unbelievable

Sweet Jesus

So the beginning of the semester has been quite insane. And yes, I am going to be mad busy this year. And some of this buisness is going to be worth it, and some is just going to be annoying. I guess that's what happens when you get over involved and you pack in some heavy duty classes. So I'm already stressed a bit, but ya know, I'm still going to have a great time. It doesn't help that I'm stuck in New Jersey this last semester. It's times like these when I really miss my brothers at the sexional. So that's about that.

This past weekend was hectic and relaxing at the same time. Friday I worked till midnight (I am almost done with Wow forever!!) Saturday was excellent. I visited Ms. Chambers up in NYC for the day. We rocked out some great Chinese food in China town, saw some awesome stuff at the Met (Rauschenberg was really cool... although I think I spelled that wrong.) We then walked around and she bought a hamster (Catherine! I hear she's addicted to her Catherine Wheel!) and then we lazied it up for the last few hours. It was a really nice escape and Jess is great. Times are good. Sunday sucked with lots of reading and writing, but it all got done.

As for now, I will be at internship doing who knows what. I can't wait for this thing to pick up a bit. Then I have Bro. G class and Collegian. Then off to the sexional for a night of chats with George about life, love and the pursuit of the goods and hopefully some shut eye.

Here's to insanity. Can't wait for Bro. G class to be not meeting for a month!

Also, Happy Birthday Warren Zevon. We'll keep you in our hearts for a while.

The Shape of Toxicity to Come

I usually don't listen to harder rock. But recently, I've discovered two different, yet ultimately hard rockin' bands. Thanks to my partners at Wow, I was introduced to the music of Refused (Jim Boyle) and a System of a Down (Richie). I knew about System but never got passed their singles until he rocked me the entire discography. So I've been listening to them a lot lately. And I decided to rehash my summer love of putting two artists with somewhat similar talents, sounds or outlooks and battling them against each other. Most of them spanned several discs, but this one is a singe disc perspective of these two bands that constitute the hardest rock I listen to. So here is my battle mix aptly titled after the two bands overall best albums, yet constituting songs from several of their other albums and EP's.

First song is Refused, then System and flip flops. In case you get confused.

I introduce to you: The Shape of Toxicity to Come- Refused vs. System of a Down

1. New Noise
2. Innervision
3. Burn It
4. Attack
5. Coup D'Etat
6. Chop Suey!
7. Summerholidays vs. Punkroutine
8. Cubert
9. Worthless is the Freedom Bought
10. Revenga
11. I Am Not Me
12. Boom!
13. The Deadly Rhythm
14. Jet Piloit
15. Refused are Fucking Dead (EP Version)
16. Chic 'N' Stu
17. Works of the Senses/Faculties of the Skull
18. Aerials
19. It's Not O.K...
20. B.Y.O.B.
21. Liberation Frequency
22. War?
23. The Refused Party Program
24. Soldier Side

Let the thrashing against the Man begin!

Back to School

"It's the beginning of a new age."~The Velvet Under- ground.

Here it is, folks. The last semester of my collegiate career and the last semester of my life as a student. I am ready for it. It seems like only yesterday when I was walking four blocks to St. John's for grade school. Just a minute ago, I was roaming the halls of Camden Catholic. And seconds ago when I was starting my time at this lovely institution called "La Salle University." Now, the final breathes of my life as a student have started. And it feels good. I have a pretty packed line-up of classes with lots of fresh faces and new professors. I'm coming full circle more or less. In my Contemporary fiction class, Melissa from Puclic Speaking Freshman year is in it along with Lou who was in my first Comm course. I have Oppliger again and Bro. Gerry for the first time. Ray, Romans, Ed, Colleen, Chwastyk and Gwux are also in random classes so It's going to be good.

Currently, I am working on my "thesis" statement. As a Film Track, I think it should be required for us to make a film (although it isn't.) So, I am writing and directing a film which will be titled "Lack of Expectation" as my thesis for my collegiate career. It is based on the styles of Jim Jaramuch's Coffee and Cigarettes and Hal Hartley's Theory of Acheivment. Basically, it's conversations laden with philosophical, existential, bohemian and nonsensical conversation about what life is giving us after this huge institution ends for us.

People expect something out of life. Why? Why do I have to make myself something or someone that I may not necesarily be. I know what I want to persue, but I'm not expecting to do it and be great at it. I hate the question "So, what are you doing after graduation?" I say "I want to focus on right now, not on after graduation." Let me finish this first, then move to the next step. Planning is suposedly good, but why think ahead rather than live in the now. That's basically the jist of the story. It deals with school, friendships, love and other relatonships that appear to be coming to an end, but in reality are just beginning.

The script is coming along well. I enjoy the topics I have addressed and there is a lot of room for people to ad lib or become themselves or someone else through the ideas that I have brought up. It's going to take a lot of work, but I plan on having it done before the end of the semester. It's my own private goal.

On a totally different, yet similar topic, I feel that this "Tralfamadorian" way of thinking is working extremely well. I look at each day for what it is, and each person for who they are at that moment in time, and know that things are fine. Things will work out and if not, it's not in my hands directly. I used to not believe in fate, but I think that has all changed. Especially with my new relationships, I find that it is refreshing to have someone on the same page as you, living in that same moment of time exactly (well, maybe not exactly but similarly) the way that you are. And that is the most important thing in a relationship. If you and the other person have two different mindsets on life, wether it be optimisim, realism, depressed, anxious, etc.. it just won't work. And I may be over confident, but I know that this new relationship is going places that I have needed for a while. And I think they know that too.

So here's to the beginning of the end of the beginning. It's almost time to move on. Until then, I'm going to soak it all up as much as possible.

I'm Not Here, This Isn't Happening

As 2006 rolls along, a lot of awesome things are going on. But one thing is going pretty harshly. My family. For the first time ever, things are going wrong with the fam. My sister is in really bad shape and I want everyone who reads this to keep her and my parents in your thoughts. I don't have much else to say, but things are really hard at home. So if you ahve a couch, extra bed, or a floor and sleeping bag, I may be escaping my house. A lot. Even more than before.

On a side note, I am newly addicted to this freaking Buckley compilation. Get it now. It's really freaking good. The Buckley's know how to write heart wrenchingly amazingly beautiful lyrics. And they do them amazingly, but its fun to hear artists who are influenced by these great talents do it their way. Esp. The Magic Numbers another new freind in my musical library. Check both of them out.

Also, instead of Grace being my daily album, January is looking like Sufjan Stevens everyday at least once. God I love music.

Top 10 Albums of 2005

I have finally devised my Top 10 Albums of the year. Here we go.

10. The Gorillaz' Demon Days- Feel Good Inc. and I'm not talking the song. Just an all around fun album chock full of great dance tunes and a blend of rock, indie, hip-hop and whatever else you want to describe this as. You can't beat an album that has Dennis Hopper on it.



9. The Magic Numbers- Their self-titled debut is definitely wins best new artist and is an altogether solid album. Vocalist throws back to Cat Stevens and the female accompanyment just plain rules. The mix of Rockin' guitars, catchy hooks, yet unique tones and vocal styles makes this stand out.






8. Neil Young's Praire Wind- This album (written with a new brain and after the death of his father) sounds like the good old days of Neil with the similar sounds of some of his classics (Harvest, American Stars And Bars) but is entirely unique in itself as well. Neil never fails to shine.


7. Dream Brother- A Tribute to Tim and Jeff Buckley- Yet another new discovery, I usually don't like to include compilations on my lists of great albums, but these versions of the songs are a great tribute. The stand outs are Magic Numbers version of Tim's "Sing a Song For You" and Bitmap's electronic fused version of Jeff's "Dream Brother." Also, Sufjan Steven's rendition of "She Is" is beautiful. A tribute to two great talents.

6. Nine Inch Nail's [With_Teeth]- Trent Reznor is a genius and this album has a uniquely different feel to it then his past efforts (which are all amazing). You know it's a Nails album, yet when listening to certain songs (especially the first track "All The Love In The World") you feel as if you are in some new venture in his life and career. "Only" was also a standout song with brilliant bass and drum work that hits home. Great deal, Trent. Probably your best album since Downward Spiral. And that was 11 years ago.

5. The White Stripes' Get Behind Me Satan- Piano takes over Jack White's mind on this brilliant work. Yes, I said brilliant. Touching love songs like "As Ugly As I Seem" fun mandolin jams like "Little Ghost" and balls to the wall blues and rock in "Red Rain" and "Blue Orchid" make this yet another tour de force in their career. The strange diversion may seem a little too strange at first, but it'll grow on you hardcore. If you aren't a huge fan, you may like this one because it is drastically different at times then any other Stripes album. And thats the draw.

4. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's Howl- A taste of Dylan and Young will drastically change any bands outlook on rock music and this band known for its retro rock sound takes a different turn on this album. "Ain't No Easy Way" is a toe-tapping folk jam reminiscent of Led Zeppelin III songs like "Hots Off to Roy Harper." "Promise" is the stand out track with epic piano licks. If you have no idea what this band is like, this is a big diversion for them, but a much welcomed one.


3. Sufjan Stevens' Come On! Feel The Illinoise!- When I heard the idea behind the album, I thought "that's a goofy gimmick". But an album based on a states history can turn into a folk/indie/Wes Andersonesque escapade into catchy and beautiful song writing. Sufjan invents a new genre mixing so many different sounds and writing brilliant songs like the simplistic "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." to the epic "They Are Night Zombies!" The more you listen, the more you need to continue listening. Let's hope the other state albums are just as good. I can't wait for New Jersey!

2. The Raveonettes' Pretty in Black- Retro rock at its finest. A band known for massive feedback and loud guitars drop some of this feel on this album and bring you back to the innocent days of rock. Only innocent in sound. The lyrics are dripping with innuendo and give a great feel to the sounds of surf/Spector sounding rock songs of the past. One of the greatest love songs of our age is also on this album ("Uncertain Times".) Sharin Foo drops the bass and sings much more on this album. Their songwriting has taken huge leaps and bounds ahead. Exciting times lie ahead for one of the best newer artists. Only after two and a half albums, they are one of the best bands around. See them live!

1. Stephen Malkmus and the Jick's Face the Truth- Malkmus knows how to write songs. Both catchy, silly addictive and brilliant, this album will not let you down. Kicking off with an insane Wowee Zowee-esque freak jam "Pencil Rot" and ending with the beautiful and simple "Malediction", the album does not let down and lasts after continued listening. He needs to go back on the road for this album. It is simply amazingly great. Nothing beats an album of all around solid songs with not a dull moment on the entire album. Check it out!

New Discoveries

Here are my two new discoveries that anyone reading this needs to check out. Starting in chronological order of me finding them.

Tim Buckley's Happy Sad- The father of Jeff and a songwriter of amazing proportions, Tim Buckley also died at a very young age and before he could ever get to know his own son (which is kinda freaky since their styles are similar in some ways). I bought his album Happy Sad without knowing what he sounded like at all. And much to my surprise, it immediately blew my mind with its amazingness. It's a lot on the line of Van Morrison's Astral Weeks, but it has a style and quality of its own. The aura the listener receives when listening to it is really bright and life-affirming. Tim plays a Twelve String Guitar which adds so much sound and quality and warmth to the songs. A lot of other great instruments (like vibes and bass marimba) also give it a great style. All around excellent songs with compelling lyrics. Definitely check it out.

Woody Allen's Match Point- So I've been hearing buzz about the new Woody Allen film, and when I heard this, I was quite skeptical. I looked back at his last few efforts, and they all looked sub-par. So tonight, me and my dad were to go on an excursion to see Kong, but it was only playing late and I didn't want to see it later at night (mainly because I know my dad can't sit through 3 hours plus of Kong.) So we see Match Point. We both agree that it is by far the best picture of the year. There is no way this film isn't. From start to finish, you are compelled by the characters and sucked into the vortex of lies, sin and deceit that is slowly building to an intense climax. A huge moral and ethical delimma consumes the main character and you are right along side of him. Its dark and there is very little comedy from a comedic genius. Set in London and NOT New York as most would expect, this is not your typical Woody Allen film. This goes right up there with his other great films like Manhattan and Crimes and Misdemeanors and may very well be his greatest film yet. Definitely see it in theaters. It will shock you how great it is.

Thats all for now.

9 Days of Yes

2006 has already exceeded my expectation of being a great year and it has only been 9 out of 365 possible days. Each day has been great. This is not to say that it can go terribly wrong, but its starting off the way it should. It's safe to say that it's so on for this year. And here are the reasons why.

1. New Beginnings- Meeting new like-minded folk is always a great way to start a year. And I thank my decision to hang out at Carly/John/Jill's on New Years to this. New people, and some of the old faces I don't see enough are going to play an integral part in my life. Collingswood will no longer be a void in my life. I will be there lots. And I will also be visiting NYC as much as humanly possible.

2. Last Semester of La Salle Career- With only 15 weeks of classes left till my existence as a student is over, I will soon be thrown into the real world. And I am totally stoked for this. Besides having interesting classes, internship (see #3) and my final days as a DJ and Editor for the Leeg, I will have my last chances at good times with the crews of Uber street and the Commuter lounge.

3. Internship- Working for the Philly Film Fest is going to be a huge experience. I am so excited to have been selected to rock this out. And I feel like it could either lead to a possible job, or at least just good times with the community of Philly in which I want to become a part of. Godspeed on this one!

4. Road Trip- Wether I go it alone, bus it with friends or get in a car and go, I am seeing this country right after school gets out. I need to see the following places: Chicago, The West Coast, A Few National Parks and thats about it. I'll also see whatever else is around there just to get a taste of the USA before I try and hightail it out of this country in the next ten years.

That's about that for the first half of the year. The rest of it I'm not looking forward to btu not because im afraid of what its going to bring. But it's in the future. Ill see it when that moment arrives. I'm sure summer will be good, i'm sure I'll find a job, and I'm sure the rest of the year will involve working, making money and saving to move into the city. But who knows. We'll see how it goes.

As for the past 9 days. Thank you. Smiles and good times all around. No more pessimism on this end. It's finally back to normality. I thank certain people for that. You no longeer make me frown or feel bad and you all bring smiles and good feelings to my heart.

Odyssey and Oracle

2006 is here and the Lord above knows that it started on the right foot. First off, hats off to the great host and hostesses of the Haddon Ave Three's Company house. John, Jill and Carly, you know how to control the atmosphere of your gatherings. You make the good times roll. I got to meet new people, get to know people I knew sort of even better and I got a New Year's wish come true. You could say that this was the finest New Years celebration I've ever attended. I just hope things that have began to be set in to motion continue on the same great pace.

The next day, I got to see my buds at the Dr. Carey after party and play some Apples to Apples. I missed them much this New Years, but I will be seeing them this weekend at the 3rd Leo Retreat Weekend that I myself have attended. It shall be an awesome cast with the addition(s) of Simon and Dom. This would rule due to the fact that they will meld with this crowd (as Simon already has) so well. Good times will be had surely.

Last night was a game of World Domination A La Risk. The Black Army was looking really bleak in the first few hours of the game, yet we stayed in power in the middle of Eurasia until the last turn of the entire game. Thank the lord for my Politician Stance towards Risk. It was fun times with the guys.

Tonight, the true test of my readiness to move on with my life will take place. It is an Odyssey that I will set sail on. I think I might have found a person with like mindedness and with a great outlook on life. So here's to you, 2006 for begining the way it should. With the return of the Cockeyed Optimist outlook on life rather than the self-loathing of 2005.

PS- Rush is a band that gets the shaft due to Geddy Lee's voice and their cheesier 80's songs, yet their 70's stuff fucking owns. Find a copy of the Zombies' Odyssey and Oracle... an amazing album.

Dead Flag Blues

The final hours of the year are upon us. Working till 10pm will be fine by me, but only because I made a killer mix especially to outline the details and events and moods of 2005: most notable tracks are The Godspeed song "Dead Flag Blues" as this year marked the end of me ever wanting to stay in this country. I will try to roadtrip across it to get a glimpse of some parts I always wanted to see, but ultimately in life, I will move out to either Greece, Italy or Switzerland. Three places I have visited and loved more than home... which is easy since New Jersey isn't exactly my idea of heaven on earth. Also on the disc is "How to Disappear Completely" by Radiohead hoping to erase out of my memory the depression I was in this past 365 dayts (give or take the few that I truly liked). Also, Jeff Buckley's "Lover You Should've Come Over" as I am finally putting that album to rest for a while since my broken heart has been mended by myself. I no longer need to worry about such problems in my life. Also, in accordance to that is E6's "Future is in the Future" since it is and the past is a big brick wall. Most importantly is Wilco's "What's the World Got In Store" since I am looking forward to what life will throw me next. Other artists include The Jesus and Mary Chain, The Lemonheads and The Who.

Then it's off to Carly, John and Jill's for a great night garunteed. They are three classy people and I am super glad they live in Collingswood. I send my best to the Ryan Carey party, because lord knows they will have an amazing time with that man. Ryan is one of the best people you can ever meet. His lust for life (one that he claims I have... that's kind of true although it was almost demolished this year) is greater than any man could ever ask for. He embodies the greatness of what optimism and love truly can be when harnessed correctly.

So let's drink to the salt of the earth tonight. Let's drink to them. And let's pour a libation for 2005 for it being a year of emotional growth and change.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2006. We are anxious for your arrival.

P.S- Here is the track listing of my mix for 2005. Just keep in mind that 2004 had two discs. So you can see how much this year was not favorable in my mind.

1. Godspeed, You Black Emperor!- The Dead Flag Blues
2. Radiohead- How to Disappear Completely
3. The Lemonheads- Hannah and Gabbi
4. Teenage Fan Club- Alcoholiday
5. Sufjan Stevens- Jacksonville
6. Wilco- What's the World Got In Store
7. Jeff Buckley- Lover, You Should've Come Over
8. Stephen Malkmus- Pink India
9. The Who- How Many Friends
10. Beck- Go It Alone
11. Belle and Sebastian- If You're Feeling Sinister
12. Brian Eno- Here He Comes
13. Electric Six- Future is in the Future
14. John Lennon- Bring on the Lucie (Freda People)

It's Pencil Rot

So writing my script has taken a halt and a half. But, the holiday's are almost over and the reading I have been doing (almost done Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman...thanks for the tip Lazor... effing great... also starting Confederacy of Dunces soon) has given me a new direction to retake the great drive of writing this script tentatively title Lack of Expectation. The story is about the expectations put on us graduates by family, elders, society and friends to become something after graduation. Why do we have to be something? Why can't we just be someone at this point in life and experience what we are doing right now rather than try to project what we will experience in a few months? It's a very Tralfamadorian way of looking at graduation.

Also, album of the year, Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks' Face the Truth. Really great. I am going to finalize a top 10 in a few days after I listen to the contenders, but there is no way that this album is NOT #1 for me. It was a very interesting year for music and Loved lots of albums, but this one stands tall over the rest (maybe not too much taller than The Rave's Pretty in Black).

As a note to that last post, I had a lot on my mind when I wrote it (a lot that pissed me off and held me back) and I don't want to come across as asking for pity because LORD knows I don't need it. I say this year sucekd (which it did), but thats not to say there wasnt a ton of shit that I am totally grateful for (esp. my friends.)

Note to those who read this, don't take everything too seriously. Honestly, I write what I feel and if for some reason it gives you a weird impression or the wrong impression (which I think an earlier post may have done... the jury is still out on that one.) This blog is mainly for me to write a little about myself and the random thoughts that run through my brain. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Finally, a prelude to 2006. I am going to break a lot of hearts on New Years Eve because I have decided to stay in Collingswood after I work till 10pm. For three reasons:
1. I work at 12 noon the next day and don't feel like getting up early from somewhere that isn't three blocks from my house to drive home and get ready for work. If I stay near home, I have the option of walking home wasted, sleeping till 11:30 and rolling out of bed to go to wow for my short shift.
2. I haven't been seeing George Szczepanski as much as I want to be and (no offense guys) I will be seeing you for the Leo Retreat the next weekend. So I might as well milk time with Spank while I can. Carly, John and Jill throw a classy party and invite very fine guests with whom I also don't see nearly enough.
3. No offense guys, but a sausage fest can be saved for Leo Retreat Weekend. This weekend, I need to mingle with the ladies. It will be done.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. 2006! Bring it!

I know you might never really understand: 2005 in Review

One week left in this godforsaken year. And yes, it has been pretty craptastic. There were some amazing times, I'll admit, but all in all... it sucked. I remember this time last year, I was looking forward to 2005 because 2004 ruled. 04 saw the end of a destructive relationship, the start of my first real adult relationship, the creating of strong friendships at La Salle, and a life-altering trip to Greece. That trip is basically the best and highest point of my life. A lot of soul seeking, reading (discoverd Slaughterhouse 5 on that trip) and relaxing (lots of Nick Drake and Neil Young.... oh yea... all my other cd's were snatched). Anyway, I need to stop letting 2004 bogart on my hate fest of 2005.

I deem 2005 the year of personal let-downs.

The afformentioned friendships had a giant fork thrown into their gears due to friends graduating and getting jobs. And, I'll be honest, I miss my brothers from time to time while wandering campus. Im glad for these chumps who are working stiffs and I love seeing them from time to time, but something has changed that will definitely change again when I leave that damn place at 20th and Olney.

The relationship I talked about ended abruptly. And I missed it dearly for about 5 months. Summer was lonely, hot, unfruitful and filled with me trying to fill a bottomless pit with dirt to cover up my depression. Don't get me wrong. Things like the Disc league were great diversions, but nothing works when you are heartbroken.

Things looked up in August. I had a birthday, I met new people (emo house rules) and made new chances to meet new people. And even though I did meet new people, I still couldn't get things off of my mind and in my own insecurities ruined both chances before they even started/ was looking for more than I should have been and scared them away.

Moving out of the apartment=Worst Idea Ever. Being home is sucking my will to live out of my eyeballs. I miss the Szczepanski brothers more than they possibly could ever fathom. I think if I stayed and had a huge loan tacked onto my life yet again, I'd be happier. Much happier.

Regardless, thats not too important in the grand scheme of things. This year is almost gone and 2006 is almost upon me. And if it gets worse than this, I may have to move out of the country to find myself. Greece is a possibility. I'll live on Nisyros for a year and get away from life. Live the simple life and enjoy the beauty of the world around me.

I'd like to thank the following people/films/things that made 2005 worth keeping my lungs filled with Oxygen:
George and Jack, Rob Ealer, Danno Somavilla, Dr. Ryan P. Carey D.D.S., Justin Leo, Nick Norlen, Stev Elev, Mike Muller, Kevner, Anthony Chwastyk, Simon Burger, Bill Drust, Amanda DiRienzo, Daniel Touey, Bill Wine, The Collegian Staff, Uber Street crew and constituents (Esp. Drew, Lou, Lazor and Taylor... so I guess thats everyone who actually resides there...) Warren Zevon's "Hasten Down the Wind", Jeff Buckley's "Lilac Wine", The Lemonhead's "The Great Big No", King Crimson's "21st Century Schizoid Man", Malkmus' Face the Truth, The Raveonettes' Pretty in Black, Sam Adams Winter Lager, Basel Haydens, 'Cane, Trips to Bethlehem (few and far between, yet great times each time), Leo Retreat Weekend's, Pink Floyd reuniting, last.fm, the Emo House (parties and people), high fives, good meals, Arrested Development, The Giles ranch and company, and most importantly, my family.

It was a downer year, but im not going to let that get me down. Let's make 2006 a rolicking success. I have a lot to look forward to between internship, filming of my first short entitled Lack of Expectation, graduation, road trip, Jupiter and the Great Beyond.

Rock and Roll Fantasy

He just spend's his life, living in a rock and roll fantasy. Ray Davies wrote that. And that's my life. Stealing Warren Zevon and John Lennon's thunder, I, Pete Townshend, will hink on the guerro of renaming you fools. So here is my who's who for the current friends:
Neil Young- Drew Stephan
Jimi Hendrix- Ryan Carey
Bob Dylan- Lou Perseghin
Warren Zevon- Danno Somavilla
Notorious B.I.G.- Drew Lazor
John Lennon- Stev Lipenta
David Bowie- Jelone
Joni Mitchell- Sarah Deal
Janis Joplin- Colleen Jaskewicz
Grace Slick- Gwuxington
Madonna- Meg Magee

Don't like who you are? Suck it up, you're a legend.

Grace

One of my current musical loves (probably my most listened to album this year- 2005 was tough on my heart) is that of the genius of Jeff Buckley. He compsed only one album before tragically drowning in the Wolf River. That album, of course, is Grace, voted by XPN listeners as the 27th greatest album of all time and currently in my top 10. Within this album are the defining musical performances of the 90's between song writing, guitars, drums, bass and of course vocals. Buckley's words are so brilliant and his delivery is even better. And, in my humble opinion, the album covers a topic and a concept of some emotional break-up that we all go through when losing the love of our life. Here is my song-bu-song breakdown that shows its growth in heartbreak.

Track 1- Mojo Pin- A song about a dream, the singer is haunted by his loss in some of the most intense lyrics on the album. As the song starts, the music and singing are a whisper as if we are hearing him in his sleep speak of his loss. It slowly builds to a violent and scary interpretation of his torment as the music builds and the vocals explode. The best line, depicting in extremely beautifuly heartbreaking terms is this:

"The welts of your scorn, my love, give me more
Send whips of opinion down my back, give me more
Well it’s you I’ve waited my life to seeIt’s you
I’ve searched so hard for..."

Track 2- Grace- A lose interpretation on my thought, but this song to me seems to be sort of the break-up where he can no longer live with losing his love. It's hard, but he knows its true that its ending and in a terrible way.

"And I feel them drown my name
So easy to know and forget with this kiss
But I’m not afraid to go, baby it’s all because of you
But I’m not afraid to go, but it goes so slow, slow"

He loves her but knows its coming and he's trying to be strong for himself. God that feeling sucks.

Track 3- Last Goodbye- This song is him finally knowing, after trying to not be afraid of the end, but knowing it is. It is in fact the last goodbye, or at least we think it is by the convincing lyrics. He is finally "sure" that he is over this love of his.

"Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry ’cause I know that in time
I’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye"

Sort of the head games we play with ourselves when breaking up. Kind of like it was our fault it was over and that it's "for the better." Oh how we try to fool ourselves.

Track 4- Lilac Wine- The first of three covers, this song is by far the most beautiful statement of what we all do to forget her (which is Buckley song b-side from this album.) We go to the drink.

"I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in it’s recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
And be what I want to be

When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because it brings me back you"

He uses someone elses words to get this painful feeling across. We drink away the pain and want to forget our troubles. It's as if Buckley wanted to forget his troubles by not writing a song about it and using this one. Excellent choice.

Track 5 - So Real- After being drunk, we all go through nightmarish weird times when we remember why we drank... to ease the pain and forget her... but Lord knows that isn't going to happen. Now his nightmare isn't a dream as in Mojo Pin, but is reality.

"And I couldn’t awake from the nightmare that sucked me in and pulled me under"

The realization that it is all so real hits him hard. He loves her, but is afraid to love her. And it's because his heart is broken and the fact he knows its no longer a dream.

Track 6- Hallelujah- Second cover on the album. Pretty much, knowing things are real, we turn to something to help us along again. This time the words of someone else. Therefore the cover, but a fitting one. One where the composer/focus of the song is doing just that- asking for help.

"There was a time when you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath you drew was hallelujah"

Remembering times before that were great. And now that it's gone, things just aren't the same anymore.

Track 8- Lover, You Should've Come Over- Greatest love song ever written in my new opinion. Love songs are a-plenty, but this one takes it. As much as you try to forget love, it's still there. Gnawing at your heart. This song is a plea to the love in Buckley's life (not sure who, but I will be researching this more). He confronts his ideas of love and such. And in the most beautiful words ever written about love, he simply yet brilliantly sums up what its like when you miss the one you love so much:

"It’s never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It’s never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
It’s never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughterI
t’s never over, she’s the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Well maybe I’m just too young
To keep good love from going wrong"

It doesn't get much more brilliant than that. Someone who loves someone so much feels like they would give anything for the simple things to return. It's magnificent.

Track 8- Corpus Christi Carol- The last cover on the album, the only real reason I see this being on here is to set in stone (which is a lyric in this) the idea of his heart being torn to shreds. Here is an interesting line that I have a few thoughts on:

"And on this bed there lyeth a knight
His wound is bleeding day and night
By his bedside kneeleth a maid
And she weepeth both night and day"

Here is the notion of her feeling some sort of similar feeling and her seeing the damage she may have done in this heartbreak. Its really the only song I don't have my finger on quite yet.

Track 9- Eternal Life- Here is where we all question life when losing something we thought was everything for us. We all do it. We hate life after something we put our whole sense of being into. And then when it's gone, its almost like what else is there to live for?

"There’s no time for hatred, only questions
Where is love, where is happiness, what is life,
Where is peace?
When will I find the strength to bring me release?
And tell me where is the love in what your prophet has said? "

Also, this song is the height of intensity in the music. A total anger fest at why love is gone in any form on the world.

Track 10- Dream Brother- This is his final statement to everyone listening who has had the same loss as himself. WE are his dream brothers who live in this world of loss and despair. It's an amazing statement saying this:

"Don’t be like the one who made me so old
Don’t be like the one who left behind his name
’cause they’re waiting for you like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came..."

Simply saying- Don't do what I did (which is depicted in this album from tracks 1-9). The music and the song structure is a perfect bookend to Mojo Pin and is an amazingly touching statement to the listener.

The album as a whole is a great crutch. Go through a similar heartbreak with Buckley and at the end, know that it's not as bad as he felt it. We learn a beautiful lesson and we get beautiful music along with it. SO if you haven't heard Grace yet, do it now. Especially if you want a great emotional and almost spiritual experience.

Warren Zevon- 1947-2003

I've been a fan of Warren Zevon for years, thanks to my Father, Jack "Spacely" Tsikitas. My first exposure to him was in the form a cassette tape of his integral album, Excitable Boy. I remember hearing songs like the titular song, "Werewolves of London" and "Nighttime in the Switching Yard" and remember liking them for their funny lyrics and catchy riffs. As a kid, you don't appreciate great things, but who was an 8-year-old listening to Warren Zevon anyway? Also as a kid, my parents had the album Sentimental Hygiene on vinyl. This was great too with some even sillier songs like "The Factory" and "Leave My Monkey Alone." The innocence of those days made his music accesible to me since he was a genius at writing hilarious songs. Most of which had more meaning than my mind ever could understand, but I still knew it was great.
As I got older, I rememberd the music I loved and went back to this album and rediscovered the greatness of Warren. I went back to Excitable Boy first and found new songs that reflected more adult themes, like love and stuff. These songs, like "Accidentaly Like a Martyr" were much more meaningful to me than "Werewolves of London", but lets be honest, "Werewolves" is brilliant.
I delved deeper into his catalouge and found works like his self-titled album. Which is far superior to anything he has ever done since, although his albums after were great as well. When I first heard a song like "Hasten Down the Wind" or his masterpiece "Desperados Under The Eaves", I finally realized the brilliance that is Warren. I was moved by these songs that no song had ever done to me before and on a level of greatness that many of you humble readers don't know because, WZ is probably one of the most underappreciated rock and roll singer/songwriters of all time.
Why do all of this so many years after his death? Don't know. I wrote a song for WZ at one point that I would like my new musical project to take up. It's the best lyrics I ever wrote but they never went anywhere with Noringo. It's called "Play On, Desperado" and I really put a lot into it. I wrote it after I listened to his final, poingant and beautiful album The Wind (his best work since his Warren Zevon.) The song "Keep Me In Your Heart" made me weep a bit. I didn't know the man, but I knew his music and I knew this song was so personal that his family has a great gift in listening to this song and feeling good that their beloved man can be remembered in such a glorious way.
So do yourself a favor. Go and pick up some Warren Zevon and discover his greatness. It's pretty simple stuff, but its some of the best stuff you'll ever hear.

My Future Wife

Sometimes, I marvel in this woman's ability to make me swoon. And I don't know why I wanted to share that with the world right now, but my future wife is a beautiful, British babe who also can act in anything from Comedy to Thriller to Drama. I present to you, the Future Mrs. Tsikitas. I'll take on any man for this woman. Even though if you ever see The Shape of Things in which her character is the biggest BITCH ever, you still have to love her! God! That's all I got.

Thank you Rachel.

My favorite first few shots with my camera

Artistry

art·ist·ry (ärt-str)n.
Artistic ability: a sculptor of great artistry.
Artistic quality or craft: the artistry of a poem.

Art is hard. Yes it is. And art comes in many forms. A poem, a painting, a song, a film. And art is something that adds to our lives making it better and making life much more tolerable. When things are bad, how often do we curl up with a good book and a good record? The feeling of seeing a sculpture in which someone devoted their time chipping away from rock to get something out of it. These artists show us that things like a stone can be beautiful. A film can capture a feeling through images and words and sounds.

Here are a few of my personal favorite artists.

Michelangelo- Between the David (pictures don't do it justice, so here is another one to show you just how amazing it is) and his frescos in the Sistine Chapel, you don't get classical forms much better than this. Before you get too old, go to see these amazing sights. The aura you get from them is pretty much the most breathtaking moment in my life.

Kurt Vonnegut- No other author uses simplicity and hilarity to the best ability like Kurt. His novles that I have read (which isn't nearly enough) capture the human spirit in a wry and sometimes scathingly hilarious way. His finest work, and my favorite novel ever written, Slaughterhouse 5 captures some element of life that is amazing. Here is a great excerpt.
"Robert Kennedy, whose summer home is eight miles from the home I live in all year round, was shot two nights ago. He died last night. So it goes.Martin Luther King was shot a month ago. He died, too. So it goes.And every day my Government gives me a count of corpses created by military science in Vietnam. So it goes.My father died many years ago now -- of natural causes. So it goes. He was a sweet man. He was a gun nut, too. He left me his guns. They rust. "

The Who & The Velvet Underground- As for pop art found in the form of music, it really doesn't get better than these two bands. And for different reasons. The Who is one of the greatest rock bands. Their great contribution is found in their ability to make rock music that is both fun, loud and poetic. The lyrics of Pete, the howl of Roger, the insane backbone of John and Keith give their songs, albums and especially their live act a higher level of ability. Check out the following to understand what I mean: The Who Sell Out, Tommy, Who's Next, Live at Leeds and Quadrophenia. As for VU, the likes of John Cale and Lou Reed alone cause for brilliance. They never were huge, but they mixed the art of Andy Warhol (thanks to you, sir, for funding them and discovering them) with the raw nature of Reed's guitar work and lyrical abilities. Check out White Light/White Heat for the best of this raw nature. Also, check out the solo efforts of Reed (Transformer) and Cale (Paris 1919) and their tribute to Warhol (Songs for Drella).

Wilfred Owen- After having Butler's class in gothic literature, I found a new poet to love. And that is the works of Wilfred Owen. Haunting tales of World War I that are so graphic, yet beautiful, you don't know wether to cringe or read on. Died very young as most amazing artists do. Here is a personal fave of mine.

THE PARABLE OF THE OLD MAN AND THE YOUNG
So Abram rose, and clave the wood, and went,
And took the fire with him, and a knife.
And as they sojourned both of them together,
Isaac the first-born spake and said,
My Father, Behold the preparations, fire and iron,
But where the lamb, for this burnt-offering?
Then Abram bound the youth with belts and straps,
And builded parapets and trenches there,
And stretched forth the knife to slay his son.
When lo! an Angel called him out of heaven;
Saying, Lay not thy hand upon the lad,
Neither do anything to him, thy son.
Behold! Caught in a thicket by its horns,
A Ram. Offer the Ram of Pride instead.

But the old man would not so, but slew his son,
And half the seed of Europe, one by one.

Martin Scorsese- One of many filmmakers I truly love and worship. His command of his actors and of his settings is a fine thing to watch. After seeing Raging Bull on the big screen in Film History, I truly see what it's like to see shear visual genius. Also see After Hours, Mean Streets, Goodfellas and The Last Waltz for the full scope of his work.

Those are just a few. More will be posted everytime I go through new phases and what I love.

Light the Vigoda!

Never since Festivus has there been a holiday celebration as glorious as the one that Conan O'Brien show last night. I am not a huge fan of the holidays. It brings out some terrible things in people and I usual loathe working the holidays and shopping for the holidays. But thank you Conan for returning a cheerful smile to my face in this holiday season.
The opening skit of Conan O'Brien last night was about "Lighting the Vigoda". That's right. They found Abe growing on someones front lawn in Jersey, cut him down, brought him to New York and strung lights and a star on him. Conan and Nancy O'Dell hosted the Vigoda lighting cermony, had a song sung by Grammy Possibility David Cassidy, two ice skaters on the worlds smallest rink and the Reluctant and Underrehearsed Chidlrens Choir half ass some tunes. It was the most hilarious thing I've seen on Conan for ages. Then Triumph rolled out on a sled and humped the shit out of his sleigh dog-deer. Amazing.

Thank you, Conan. Thank you.